Now Imagine!!

Updated August 2007

Now imagine 2 pole markers at the the water's edge, the tops covered in grease so no one touches them.

Also imagine approximately 40 pieces of lawn furniture of various shapes and sizes strewn on the beach from the end of the fence to the water's edge. Don't forget the Paddle boat or the boat that never leaves its perch.

Imagine watching the homeowners every morning haul out this collage of furniture and again repeating the process at night, hauling it back up the beach. It's like watching Worker Ants on a mission although I'm sure the Ant's mission is more productive then the homeowners of this property.
Imagine that!!

3 Squirrels & a NUT

It starts out like a scene in Caddyshack: the players: 3 Squirrels and Steve.

With winter approaching, we were going to buy some bird feeders. Steve suggested he make one since we had some scrap wood lying around. So off he went into the shed to construct the birdhouse. It was a mighty fine birdhouse too. He even put on a tin roof! Steve painted the feeder forest green, nothing too bright though, he didn’t want to scare away the birds. Now it’s time to hang the feeder. It took the birds a couple days to figure out the feeders and for the smell of the Tremclad to dissapate.

Uh oh! Intruders; suspects: two blackish in colour, one gray, and big bushy tails.

You guessed it: SQUIRRELS!!

Well, after pitching a few snowballs, some hit, some miss, the dreaded pest came back for more. Now, here’s where the story gets interesting.

Steve decided he’d get to the end of this matter so the birds could feed and not the squirrels. He took the feeder down. Do you remember the scene from the Goonies when Data says, “Wait here guys! I’m gonna set a “Booty Trap!” The new approach; put screws through the roof and through the bottom of the feeder.
This morning, January 12th, 2004, we watched the latest invention. Hmmmm. There’s a squirrel in the feeder!!
No, wait! There are 3 squirrels in the feeder. They’re jostling for position. Jumping on the feeder with such finesse, such grace and not one getting poked by a screw!! What the *&%#@!! I must have put 40 screws in that thing! I heard growling coming from Steve. “I’m gonna fix those little…… well, you fill in the blank here!

The new plan of approach: Screens.
To my surprise, here comes Steve out of the shed with a bird feeder wrapped in a piece of screen. No sooner did he get the feeder back in the tree, here come the squirrels. They were waiting for him. It’s like they know. They’re watching him, mocking, waiting for the next deterrent. One quizzical squirrel stretches himself across to the screen. Now I’m thinking to myself, “What a great substance; easy grip for claws” I’m now giggling because I hear this growl beside me. It’s Steve!! We watch the squirrel walking sideways along the mesh and finding the holes at the ends. The ones left there for the “birds” to find, not the squirrels.

Steve got off the couch and refilled his coffee. I can see he’s thinking, coming up with another plan of action. Steve left for the basement. A few minutes later he emerged with a saw and a few pieces of tongue and groove wood bundled under his arm. His mission: Back to the bird feeder. Steve walked towards the bird feeder, the squirrel hopped back into the tree and sat high enough up, taunting, waiting for his next move, his next challenge. Can the squirrels be beaten? The squirrels decide to play a game of tag between the trees, hopping through the freshly fallen snow like graceful little deer. Waiting their next go at the feeder.

Steve came back in the house to refill his coffee and described to me his next add-on to the feeder; Something about making some kind of upward ramp-type thing. I didn’t quite grasp it all.

I can hear the sound of the table saw grinding in the shed. It must be a major mission and the saw wasn’t able to live up to the task at hand. I think I’ll wait with the utmost anticipation to see what evolves from the shed.

In the interim, the birds now have a screened in cottage birdhouse and the score of the game? We’re in the third round; Squirrels, 3, Steve, 0 and the birds waiting on the sidelines.

Steve arrived in the house again, this time to retrieve more wood. He looked at me and asked what I’m doing. I replied,”Oh nothing, just surfing the net.” I was laughing at him. He asked what was so funny and I said you remind me of the movie Caddyshack. He replies, “I came in to get more wood, I’m building them a condo now!” “I’m going to extend the wood “over” the top so the squirrels can’t get in underneath.” Now I’m thinking to myself as I type this, it may be easier to open up one of the windows in the kids playhouse because by the time he’s done with this 12”X 8” bird feeder, it’s going to be the size of the playhouse!

Now it’s like the Wide World of Sports: The thrill of victory, or the agony of defeat.

Chapter 2

It’s 11:45 am and there’s no time to stop for lunch. There’s a mission in action and the birdhouse is missing in action.

I have a small bird feeder hanging by my window where the computer is so I can watch the birds. I went outside and cleared the snow from the feeder and lined the windowsill with a variety of wild birdseed. Although I’m sure the squirrels could scale the brick wall, I believe they are waiting, silently atop the Blue Spruce, hiding where Steve can’t see them; chattering to each other.
They have a plan. Like those squirrels in the TV commercial when the one squirrel runs across the road and makes the car swerve? Meanwhile, I’m enjoying the site of the sparrows and finches, some purple, enjoying the easy-to-reach gourmet set out for them.

I’m talking to my friends, John and Betty on the computer. They have been informed of the goings on at hand and they are finding it extremely hilarious. They think I should send a video to Funniest Home Videos.

The sound of the table saw had stopped. Steve came into the house, proud of his new invention. He found me in the computer room and says, “Come see what I’ve made! There’s “NO WAY” the squirrels will get in there now!! NO WAY!”
I hurried to see his latest creation, his latest “Squirrel-free” bird feeder. “Oh my gosh!” “It’s a HANG GLIDER!!” What started out as a 12”X 8” bird feeder now has sprouted 2 ½ ‘wings!! WOW! The birds now have a new, tongue and groove pine roof on their feeder.

I quickly returned to the computer room and informed John and Betty of the latest invention. They both responded with laughter and now growing enthusiasm as to what’s going to happen next.

Steve went to clean up after his hard day, proud of his latest accomplishment. Now it was time for a nap before work. “Wake me up at 1:45 please and just to let you know, I will not go down defeated!!”

You wanna bet!!!

Brenda